Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.

So that whole "posting secrets every day" thing? yeah, just kidding...

epic fail


anyways



i'm dropping out of school after this semester. for realz, this time. i don't care if i'm not making enough money and have to live on the streets for a hot second-- i'll get something figured out. i just know i can't keep doing this to myself.
i have been so depressed lately. i NEVER get depressed. and realizing that just makes me more depressed. and i can't think of any reason to be depressed except for the fact that i feel immensely trapped in my current situation. i hate school. just straight up have no desire to go. but i'm here, just because that's what society fucking expects. that's what my parents expect. you're supposed to go high school, college, career/marriage, baby. but i don't believe in marriage, and i'm deathly afraid of a nine month ordeal that ends in shelling out a bunch of cash to raise a smelly little pukeball that will eventually hate your guts. so if i'm going to skip those two steps, why not skip everything ELSE i don't believe in too?

i've been reading Into the Wild. If you have no idea what that is, it's essentially a little biography of this amazing boy named Christopher McCandless. He is sick of America's focus on "things"all the time, and straight out of college, he seeks a more Tolstoyan existence, trekking around the country, at first by car, and then on foot, living out his values, following the words of Jack London and Emerson and Thoreau. He believes in the pure values of nature above all, and believes that pure EXPERIENCE is more valuable than anything you could ever own.
he eventually dies in the alaskan wilderness, but that's beside the point.
my point is, he breaks free of societal norms and just fucking LIVES.
that's what i want to do.
on a side note, one person who worked with Chris at McDonalds for a stretch said that Chris hated socks, and fought the management over the fact that socks were a required part of his uniform.
guess what? i hate socks. i get talked to every day at work for not wearing them. but i will never, ever, ever ever ever ever EVER wear them. ever.
coincidence? maybe.
but the second i read that line, i was like, holy shit. it's a sign.

so i'm going to do it. i'm going to do it. i'm going to do it.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."
"The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated."



"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation," but i've never been one to fit in.